The Call…or not

May 6, 2010 a day that will live in my memory.

It was an average day and I was rushing around trying to get myself and my son out the door so that I would get to work on time.  I heard the phone ring but didn’t think much of it and let it go to voicemail.  We had recently changed our home phone to a cell number and I hadn’t gotten around to programming in all my numbers…not even the special adoption number!  Right before I left I noticed that I had a message on there and listened to it.  Well, the message was from Radu saying that he had tried to send me an email but it had come back as undeliverable so he had sent it to my husband (Now I ask you, why would you do this?)  At this point I thought hmmm could this be the call?  With the longer referral times I didn’t think it was likely.  I called my husband and of course got his voicemail…Urgh!  I left a message asking him to check his email and explained that this could be THE CALL but I thought it was early.  I decided to take Caden to daycare and get to work on time.

I tried Jeff again once but got no response…Why do we have cell phones???  I got to work and checked my email and my husband had forwarded the email–OUR REFERRAL!  I immediately called Jeff again and got no answer.  Knowing that if he had sent the email to me he had looked already I opened it up.  At this point I was mentally cursing the fact that I had gone to work as I stood there and blathered that I had gotten our referral.  Jeff called me back a few minutes later and I asked him if he’d looked at the pictures.  Of course, the boy really can’t wait for anything!  We looked at the pictures and read the information together.  At this point I was getting misty eyed and said something like it’s real now we have a daughter.  It’s amazing the mix of emotions that race through you–joy, anticipation, shock, etc.  At this point I had been on the phone about 10-15 minutes and was told there was a body fluid that needed my attention.  Really, now???  I tried to explain about the referral and eventually said “I just had a baby!”  There was a lot of laughter at this, while everyone was very nice they just really don’t understand.  You don’t have the baby in your arms therefore it’s not immediate and real.

I somehow made it through the rest of the evening although I was very ditzy!  I also took the opportunity to show everyone who crossed my path the picture of my daughter.  My tiny little daughter who weighed only 3.75 lbs on admission to the orphanage.  She is growing and healthy and we are anxiously awaiting word of a court date!  So, now we are in the midst of planning:  airplane tickets, packing, pet sitting, etc.  Here’s a little prayer that things move quickly!



What’s in a picture?

I have spent the last few days memorizing my daughter’s face:  the curve of her cheek, the soft bow of her lips, her luminous dark eyes, and the tiny frown wedged between her eyebrows.  She looks at the world with an edge of doubt in her eyes, this tiny little girl.  I feel my heart expanding a little, as I gaze on this little face, making room for her permanent place there.  It is hard to imagine her in her entirety with only a picture.  There is no smell of baby or the press of baby roundness in my arms.  I am left to imagine the silky smoothness of baby skin, the soft down of her hair and the sweet babble of her voice.

So different from the birth of my son, where a little bundle was placed in my arms after 48 hours of contractions and a C-section.  I have only two photos and some clinical facts listed on a sheet of paper…the pain was borne by another woman.  Yet, I am learning her face and it is becoming familiar and dear to me.  I am in awe to realize that I am to be the mother of this little person.  The photo changed everything…It is real now, I have a daughter.



I am at work but just had to say that we got our referral!!! More later!